188 words by a whitespace count. This teaching example has an AI-estimated band, not an official examiner score. Read the commentary, then attempt the question yourself.
“The bar chart shows the share of renewable energy in total final energy consumption in five countries in 2010 …”Model answer
188 wordsP1The bar chart shows the proportion of final energy consumption supplied by renewable sources in five countries in 2010 and 2020.
P2Overall, Iceland and Sweden had substantially higher renewable energy shares than the other three countries in both years, and all five nations increased their proportions over the decade. Iceland led throughout, while the USA had the lowest share in both years.
P3Iceland's renewable share stood at 76% in 2010 and rose to 82.9% by 2020. Sweden also recorded a considerable increase, from 44.7% to 57.8%, maintaining second place throughout. Germany rose from 11.6% to 18.5%, while China increased from 12.3% to 14.9%. China was slightly ahead in 2010, but Germany's larger gain placed it above China in 2020.
P4The USA had the lowest share in both years, increasing from 7.4% to 11%, a rise of 3.6 percentage points. By contrast, Sweden's gain of 13.1 percentage points was the largest absolute increase among the five countries. The gap between Iceland and the USA widened marginally from 68.6 percentage points in 2010 to 71.9 percentage points in 2020, reflecting a continuing disparity between the two extremes despite universal growth.
Write your answer in the exam workspace and see how your four marks compare to the model’s.
Comparison language is grounded in the data: 'larger gain', 'widened marginally' and 'universal growth'.
Now you
Reading a model ≠ writing one. Attempt the same question now, then review your feedback alongside this example.
Write it nowAI-estimated criteria
Points to review
Could note Iceland's share in 2020 as a fraction of its total energy mix (over four-fifths) to add one more vivid proportional expression.