199 words by a whitespace count. This teaching example has an AI-estimated band, not an official examiner score. Read the commentary, then attempt the question yourself.
“The bar chart shows the share of the population aged 65 and over in six countries in 2010 and 2020.”Model answer
199 wordsP1The bar chart compares the proportion of the population aged 65 and over in six countries in 2010 and 2020.
P2Overall, the share of elderly people increased in all six countries over the decade, with Japan recording both the highest figures and the largest absolute rise. China had the lowest proportion in both years but showed a notable increase.
P3In 2010, Japan led with 23.1% of its population aged 65 or over, followed by Germany at 20.57% and Italy at 20.46%, with these latter two countries being almost identical. The UK, USA, and China trailed with 16.34%, 12.84%, and 8.66% respectively. By 2020, Japan's share had risen to 28.92%, an increase of nearly six percentage points, the largest gain among the six nations. Italy moved above Germany into second place, with their 2020 shares at 23.38% and 21.84% respectively.
P4China's proportion grew from 8.66% to 12.65%, a rise of almost four percentage points, indicating relatively rapid ageing despite starting from a lower base. The USA moved from 12.84% to 16.07%, while the UK reached 18.61% by 2020. Across all six countries, the upward trend was consistent, with no nation recording a stable or declining elderly share over the period.
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China's rise is correctly described from a lower starting share.
Reported changes use accurate phrasing: 'nearly six percentage points' and 'almost four percentage points'.
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Points to review
Could make one explicit comparison between Japan's 2020 figure and the nearest competitor (Italy) to quantify the gap at the top.