188 words by a whitespace count. This teaching example has an AI-estimated band, not an official examiner score. Read the commentary, then attempt the question yourself.
“The diagram shows the stages in the production of chocolate.”Model answer
188 wordsP1The diagram illustrates the process by which cacao pods are transformed into finished chocolate bars.
P2Overall, the process is linear and consists of nine main stages, beginning with the harvesting of cacao pods from trees and ending with the moulding and cooling of chocolate bars.
P3Initially, cacao pods are harvested from the trees. The pods are then split open and the beans and pulp are scooped out. At this stage, the beans and pulp are left to ferment for approximately one week before moving on to drying. After fermentation, the beans are spread out and dried in the sun, which is the fourth stage in the sequence.
P4Once dried, the beans are roasted before their shells are removed. Removing the outer shells leaves the cocoa nibs for the next stage. These nibs are then ground into a smooth liquid paste, as shown in the seventh stage of the diagram. In the next stage, sugar and milk are added to the liquid and combined with the paste before it is moulded. Finally, the mixture is poured into moulds and cooled until it solidifies into bars, completing the production process.
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Varied sequencing language: 'initially', 'at this stage', 'once dried', 'finally'.
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Write it nowAI-estimated criteria
Points to review
The overview and closing sentence both state the final bar-making stage; one could be shortened to reduce repetition.