180 words by a whitespace count. This teaching example has an AI-estimated band, not an official examiner score. Read the commentary, then attempt the question yourself.
“The diagram shows how aluminium drinks cans are recycled and remanufactured.”Model answer
180 wordsP1The diagram illustrates the process by which used aluminium cans are collected, recycled, and converted into new cans ready for consumers.
P2Overall, the process is broadly cyclical and consists of approximately nine main stages, beginning with the collection of used cans from homes and ending with new cans being shipped back to consumers, with the complete loop taking around 60 days.
P3Initially, used cans are collected from households and transported to a sorting facility, where materials are separated. The aluminium cans are then shredded into small flakes and thoroughly cleaned to remove any contaminants. Once the flakes have been cleaned, they are fed into a furnace and melted at approximately 700 degrees Celsius.
P4The molten aluminium is subsequently cast into solid ingots, which are then rolled under pressure into thin, flat sheets. At this stage, the sheets are pressed and shaped into new cans. Finally, the cans are filled, sealed, and shipped back to retailers and consumers. The diagram gives approximately 60 days for this complete cycle, from collecting the used cans to returning the newly produced cans to consumers.
Write your answer in the exam workspace and see how your four marks compare to the model’s.
Wide range of sequencing language: 'initially', 'once', 'subsequently', 'at this stage', 'finally'.
All key stages are covered in the correct order, including the specific 700-degree furnace temperature.
Now you
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Points to review
The transition between the sorting and shredding steps could be slightly more explicit to signal those as distinct stages.
The diagram names consumers as the final destination; adding retailers goes beyond the supplied stages.